In My Thoughts

"How are you doing, sis?"  "I'm great, sis." For a very long time I've been lying to myself and anyone who cared enough to ask me how I'm doing. The truth is, no, I'm not doing great, I'm barely living. But, I'm great health-wise. In a matter of 9 months, I went from a cholesterol level of 302 down to 162, my blood pressure used to be at 150/90, now it's at 126/78, all my blood work from March of this year was at dangerous levels. My doctor commended me and said she was very impressed with the improvement I'd made with my health. I improved my health through hard work. I jogged for one hour every morning, gave up junk food, stopped eating fried foods, and stopped eating red meat, I never weighed myself, because I wasn't doing it to lose weight, I was doing it to save my life. I used to weigh 150 lbs, now I weigh 139 lbs. Most days I only ate once a day because I was overwhelmed and anxiety ridden, oh yeah, a...

Still waiting for the kind of Christmas holiday that has eluded me my entire adulthood The kind of Christmas that is free of poverty-like humdrum The kind of Christmas that puts a smile on everyone’s face Not the kind that puts despair in our hearts and faces The kind that I picture on television shows Where a family sits in the living room being thankful Drinking eggnog and eating cookies Telling jokes and laughing together Exchanging gifts and being together Being free to say whatever is on your mind without fear of criticism I haven’t given up the idea of having such a Christmas As long as I’m alive, the hope will continue.

Paradise Aflame-(California wildfire Nov. 2018) Flames of Paradise don’t leave us homeless Flames of destruction don’t leave us hopeless Bring us mercy, for we’re boundless Rebuilding we will, but forgetting we won’t Fleeing your destructive path without looking back Catching aflame will be our end like Gomorrah to salt Burning our sins is like a violent assault We escape to only return to ashes and debris Many are lost to naked eyes; fearing possible consumption, by the flames of paradise Those without hope choose to go down with their homes Like a captain chooses to go down with his ship Material possession or life possession, can we exist without the other? Many were set ablaze, sacrificed to the flames of death With its hunger satisfied, the blaze of death calms itself It burns weaker, preparing to sleep on a full belly The blaze subsides; allowing itself to be overtaken We base our worth on the frivolous materials we accu...

Child Bride I was spared when you were sacrificed. A lifetime of suffering but you defied. What you don’t know won’t hurt you but they lied. I was grateful for your confidence when you shared. You were bridaled against your will out of fears. My defiance saved me a lifetime of tears. Your safety and protection were betrayed. By the ones you trusted to obey. Your gift of virginity was preyed upon. Your innocence and purity was strung along. With the promise of eternal life in the great beyond. But experience and life would prove the improbable. When your soul couldn’t deal you contemplated leaving this world But, an Angel was bestowed, to spare your soul. You were later blessed with more angels, to love you loud For every day on this Earth ensures your legacy.

The blinding rage filled her skull as she drove home Confused; not understanding where the feeling was coming from What are these feelings? she wonders In her mind’s eye, she sees tragedy come upon her child She blames him for this tragedy! She has lost her child to death She blames him for he is a malicious man His anger towards her absence is clouding his judgment, as he lashes out at her o’er and o’er, without provocation A Narcissist!  A psychopath! A sociopath!  Yes, he embodies all. She imagines him standing at the podium, watching her child in the coffin Walking towards him, eyes red with anger and rage that has driven her mad She handles the heavy wooden chair, drags it beside her as she strolls by family mourners Before anyone realizes what is about to unfold in their midst She swings the wooden chair with all the might in her Landing in his head with intent to do permanent damage, whatever that looks  like The chair collides...

The power of evoking interest in her has awoken him to the point of sleeplessness. He desires her presence, but his astraddle behavior keeps him at a distance. He communicates his needs and frustration to be with her. She feels the frustration of his indecisiveness; she craves for him to come to her. “ What keeps him from me? ” She wonders. She : “Do you ever finish what you start? Especially, with me? You won’t let me go, but something is keeping you from fully engaging me .” . He : “I need to see you, I just don’t know what’s wrong. ” She: “ Let me know when you do know what’s wrong ”. He : “ Not seeing you, is what’s wrong .”   She : “ Maybe I’m wrong for you. I don’t know.  Your attraction to me may not be strong enough to do what you need to do .”   . He : “My attraction to you is too strong.” She: “Then you have a decision to make.” She knows of the reasons why he is apprehensive. He is unhappily committed to another,...

Like Switzerland, she remains in the middle Like Switzerland, she is torn between her two worlds Like Switzerland, there are no sides to take She fits not in either world, for nothing feels right. She’s without a country to call her own The longer she remains in one world The more she forgets the other; not fluent in either tongue Her allegiance to both worlds equals But she truly belongs to only one; which one? Her birth country is but a memory, Her adoptive country is but a burden, full of hate and fear of the different She yearns to return to the land of her people, but she has ties that bind She feels the air of home swirling around her She hears the sounds of locals as their lives intertwine She tastes the foods she loved as a young girl For now she waits, for a ripe time to return home, for without her mother And father among the living, she feels not a connection to her homeland She desperately wants to turn back time, but she can’t ...

An angel, Eunice, she was bestowed upon her mother; but it was not to be. An angel she was often forgotten by her maternal. An abandoned Angel, of circumstance. We know not how she became. Was it an act of ravishment of her mother? Was it a mishap? No one knows!  But Eunice, she was not alone in the world. She had other Angels on Earth to watch over her and keep her safe.                                                                                                     ...