In My Thoughts

Tall, Dark, and Handsome; Kind, Lovely, and Lonesome; Married to the Fires of the Valley; Or So He bids her to believe; Time is not His, to give freely; So She has come to understand; Her Heart Leaps at the sight of his words on her cell; She  Refuses to Move-on, holding tight to Hope; Hoping that He  will let her Capture his attention; She  Entertains no other, for He is Her Destination; Others entertain Her, while She awaits His monthly summons; Her mind’s eyes are forever entrenched with the image of Him; Her senses are that of His scent, touch, and taste; Her thoughts, always in remembrance of their last encounter, is overwhelming; He always leaves her Wanting More; She await his words on Her cell, beckoning her to come to Him; Tall, Dark, and Handsome. Kind, Lovely, and Lonesome.

Can’t allow myself the joy of crying; So I keep smiling. Crying means I give up; So I keep going. Crying means defeat; So I keep fighting. Crying means the end; So I don’t close my eyes at night. Crying means somebody else won, and I lost; So I continue to think of myself as a winner. Crying means I let myself down; So I give myself pep talks. Crying means I let my children down; So I make sure that I’m upright all the time. Crying means I’m not as strong as I should be; So I keep saying “I’m fine” when asked “How are you doing?” Crying means my women folk who have passed on will be ashamed of me. So I swallow the urge to cry, because there’s no one to comfort me should I dare cry. I dare not cry; For I won’t be able to stop.

DEFLECTING RESPONSIBILITY Making excuses for their behavior. Examples can be blaming you, other people or past experiences for their actions, using alcohol or drugs as an excuse, using mental health issues or past experiences (like a cheating ex or divorced parents) as a reason for unhealthy behavior. Right...it's never their fault that they're the way they are.  It's always "because of" someone or something that makes them behave the way they do.  They would even go as far as make you the trigger  that causes their insane behavior.  They make you the antecedent, the calm before the storm. And since you have become recluse and isolated from those who can guide you and see through the sham, you can't defend yourself, you go along with their assessment of you,therefore,  you're unable to tell the difference between what they want you to believe, and what you believe is the truth.  So, for the sake of peace, you accept the blame and move on.  B...

ISOLATION Keeping you away from friends, family, or other people. Examples can be when your partner makes you choose between them and your friends, insisting you spend all your time with them, making you question your own judgement of friends and family, and making you feel dependent on them for money, love or acceptance. At some point in your life, you've been isolated, for one reason or another.  It could have been self-imposed, you were forced into it, or it was a malice act by your significant other.  In any case, you need to understand, that isolation of any kind is not a good thing.  It's not healthy for the mind, or self esteem. When your significant other isolates you from your family and friends, it's their way of saying, "I'm insecure with myself, and I'm afraid that you'll realize that I'm useless and leave me someday, so I'm going to do all I can to isolate you from those who can see through me like a jelly fish, so th...

MANIPULATION When a partner tries to influence your decisions, actions or emotions. Manipulation is not always easy to spot, but some examples are convincing you to do things you wouldn’t normally feel comfortable with, ignoring you until they get their way, and using gifts and apologies to influence your decisions or get back in your good graces. What? "ignoring you until they get their way"? "Using gifts to influence your decisions"?  Wow, some girls just have all the luck! All I wanted was to be left alone.  I didn't even want to go home after work.  So clearly, some abusers are capable to giving you your space, in the form of "ignoring you" .  I never got peace in my environment.  Having someone in your face all the time, because they're not satisfied with your answers to their questions is exhausting, causes anxiety (which I was diagnosed with years ago) due to the environment I was living in, and it's just plain bullying. T...

SABOTAGE Purposely ruining your reputation, achievements or success. Examples can be making you miss work, school or practice, keeping you from getting school work done, talking about you behind your back or starting rumors, and threatening to share private information about you. Do you think I experienced this while I was married?  If you guessed "yes", you're right.  It was very embarrassing.  The sabotage was always sent in an email, to my bosses, which would cause me to lose my job, and I could never understand what the heck I did to get fired. But it all came to light after I left.  I saw the emails to my bosses, my friends that were no longer my friends because they'd been alienated from me, my co-workers, etc.  He hacked into my phone or phone book depending on which era it was, for this had been going on for at least a decade. Private discussions that husband and wife usually engage in at the end of the day, while in bed.  My com...

"JEALOUSY An emotion that everyone experiences, jealousy becomes unhealthy when someone lashes out or tries to control you because of it. Examples can be getting upset when you text or hang out with people your partner feels threatened by, accusing you of flirting or cheating , being possessive over you or even going so far as to stalk you ." ----Behind the Post, (n.d.) retrieved 7/29/18 Jealousy is not something that should exist in a marriage or relationship.  But, guess what? It does exist in relationships/marriages, and I experienced every one of those words above in my "relationship/marriage". As a couple, you should embrace and encourage your partner's accomplishments, not be resentful and sabotage their every effort to improve themselves; after all, aren't you benefiting from that same accomplishments?  I believe so. So instead of biting off the hand that feeds you, why not help those hands feed you? As a victim, you may feel that as lo...