When you finally realize that you need help!

Mmmmm, that looks good.

So, yesterday I was feeling some kind of way and I could not concentrate, or even get out and do things like go to the beach, as I wanted to do.  Instead I finished a book. I accomplished 3 big things yesterday: I took my car to Auto Zone for a reading, engine gauge goes in the red, but it cools itself as I'm driving.  They found nothing; finished reading the above book; and I did a load of laundry.

Anyway, as the day went on, I started getting very emotional, unable to concentrate or complete a single thought.  Years ago, I criticized someone for not being able to live inside their own heads.  This person had just ended a relationship, and they were doing everything to keep themselves busy just so they wouldn't think about the situation they were in.  The hurt, the loss, the fear, the uncertainty...the list can go on forever.  Now that I'm in the same situation, I have an understanding of what this person was going through. The second I stop moving, the past comes rushing in my head and I get very angry.

For the past several weeks, I've been holding on to a telephone number to a therapist, wondering if I truly needed to see a therapist.  Yesterday, I finally realized that I do need to speak to a professional. Why the sudden change?  I was crying for no reason, well, there was a reason.  I have yet to deal with my loss, my grief, I have yet to scream at the universe, for letting me down.  I have yet to admit that I am not okay, as I keep telling anyone who asks, "how are you doing?".  When I realized that I was sitting there, in front of my laptop, feeling very emotional as if something just invaded my heart, my mind, and my soul, I remembered that piece of yellow sticky note with the therapist's number and name written on.  I remembered that I had stuck the paper in a book I was reading at the time I got the number.  I went and grabbed the book, flipped to the last page and pulled the paper out and made the call. I'm glad to say that, this morning, I have an appointment to see my therapist. I'm relieved that I get to speak to a professional who can help me deal with my feelings in a healthy way. 

I'm no doctor, but I may be experiencing depression of some kind.  I don't know.  All I know is that, I need help and I am clear-headed enough to admit so.  Not everyone is this clear headed when they've been through what I've been through. I hope that if you're feeling the way I've been feeling, you reach out to someone who can help you.  Sometimes, we don't want to talk to family or friends, because we don't want to burden them with out problems, or feel sorry for us. For me personally, I'll rather speak to a professional, than family and friends. I want to leave my friends and family for fun stuff, not gloomy stuff.

Wish me luck while I make "Great Things Happen Today"!!!