Let Go of the Guilty Feelings!

The hardest thing as a mother, is to feel like you've abandoned your children, that you chose your sanity over their happiness.  That you chose to save yourself and not them.

One thing that I learned in therapy is that, I have to believe that my children understand what I did, they will appreciate and respect me for having the courage to get out of a situation that was not healthy for me, a situation that was making them unhappy, a situation that made the household environment unbearable.  As a mother of both genders, it was important to let my sons know that this is not how women are supposed to be treated, that if you mistreat your woman she will leave, they have to understand that it's wrong to mistreat a woman, just as it's wrong for a woman to mistreat a man.  It was also important that my daughter not see me endure such pain, that women are treasures that must be protected and cherished. She needs to know that she has a right to be in a happy relationship not an unhappy one. She needs to know her worth as a woman and not allow mediocrity from any man as she grows up.

It's well documented that many women who are in abusive relationships witnessed it as a child in their homes. Men who abuse women grew up watching their fathers do it to their moms or some other female in the household.  This was not my upbringing.  My father never put his hands on my mother, or vise versa.  My situation had to do with getting into a relationship at the age of sixteen with a man nearly ten years my senior, who manipulated me and isolated me from my family so he can have complete autonomy over my life.  Unfortunately for him, I was ambitious, a bookworm, a life learner, and so the more I educated myself, the more I resisted his controlling ways.  The only way for him to subdue me was through perjury to law enforcement. And we all know, once your name is negatively entrenched with law enforcement, whatever career you have becomes shaky. That is the behavior of a weak minded man.  A man who does not know how to be a true man. A man threatened by his woman's success and intellect. A man who would go to any lengths to bring you down, so you can look up to him.

Your children, will understand and respect your decision to leave a bad situation.  If they don't already, they will eventually.  Chances are, in your absence, they will start seeing the same patterns that you disengaged from, and they will begin to see the truth.

You let me know your thoughts in the comments section below.